you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
i feel it necessary to reblog since i just read that whole thing
I AM LAUGHING SO HARD OMFG GOODBYE.
I know it’s trendy to fight the system and cry that we are all becoming slaves of technology, but this attitude overlooks that computers and phones are tools for communicating. When someone thinks I’m an idiot smiling at a machine, I’m actually smiling at my girlfriend who is 10000 miles away and whom I would have never met if not for these newfangled electronics. As they say: when the wise man points to the moon, the fool looks at the finger.
This is a topic that I’ve been wanting to tackle for a while now; much credit to this excellent post for bringing it to the front of my brain.
Ugh thank you.
The Sign Language Ring
A set of rings to be worn on each finger by the person using sign language. An accompanying bracelet senses the signs being made and translates them into spoken words. The words are played through the bracelet’s embedded speaker, allowing the hearing person to hear sign language.
The conversation isn’t one way, however. When the hearing person speaks, their words are translated into text on the bracelet’s screen. The hearing impaired person then gets to understand the other side of the conversation even if they can’t read lips. The concept might be a little far-fetched to ever be produced, but it did win a 2013 Red Dot Design Award.
This is so freakin’ awesome.
WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?!??!??!
It’s quicksand. Quicksand is much thicker than water, which is why things sink so slowly. By that same logic, one can walk on its surface if you go fast enough and with little enough pressure, like skipping a stone on water.
THAT IS FANTASTIC
Non-Newtonian fluids, everyone.
As a child I believed that quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem in my life than it has turned out to be. Little did I know I could defeat it by simply waddling like a penguin.
Same here! The 80s gave me unrealistic expectations on how much quicksand I would encounter in my life.
quicksand used to feature in like every story i wrote about adventurers
*opens 27 snapchats and doesn’t reply to a single one*
Wednesday Addams is everything I love
I was looking in this tag for this exact photoset, and Tumblr delivered.
But seriously, humour aside, this scene is brilliant, because what good do those stork stories do? They teach children that sex is something dirty and private and disgusting, when really it’s one of the most natural things in the world. There is no way Wednesday would ever have had an unwanted pregnancy through her own lack of judgement, because Morticia and Gomez would have taught her how to be safe and sensible with something that could bring her pleasure. The Addams family are role models.
^^^^ ALL OF THIS